The time has come for me to dust off this ol' blog and put it to some good use. For the next 8 weeks it is going to serve partially as my journal (the other part will be my Angel Tree fundraising). I have joined Fit Body Boot Camp, and they are doing this Zero Pound Challenge. The main purpose is to NOT GAIN weight through the Holiday season. I've been so desperate to lose weight, so I thought I may as well start now, and not 10 pounds from now in 8 weeks. So here's my back story:
I grew up skinny, very skinny. My nickname I recall most was "Skinny Mini", which really never bothered me. When I got pregnant with Morgan (now 21) I was 18 and 100 pounds soaking wet. I gained 35 during the next 9 months, and lost every bit of it the second I delivered her (well, almost). I was fairly self conscious about my weight, I'd been asked if I was anorexic, etc. But I was happy, it was never a huge deal. I never set out to "gain" weight. I got married at 28 and had my second child. That pregnancy resulted in very rapid weight gain, and then I never came close to losing it afterward. Repeat 2 more time. The result is I am much heavier than I ever dreamed I'd be. I hate the way I look and wear clothing that covers it up as much as possible. I am very embarrassed when I run into people from my "skinny" days. I hate it. But, I like to eat. And I don't really like to exercise. I had promised myself that I would lose enough weight to get down into the 140's before I turned 40, and here I am, 3 weeks from turning 41. I feel like such a failure. I know I can lose weight, I've done it before, but then I turn around and gain it right back, and then some usually. It's so frustrating. So what makes this time different? Well, I have several things on my side. I recently started taking a nutritional supplement called Thrive, which gives me the energy to not only make it through the day, but to actually want to work out! Then there's FBBC. I joined there last May on a Groupon deal for 6 weeks and loved it. But with summer I felt like I wouldn't use it much, and the cost was prohibitive, as I was in the middle of trying to decrease my hours at work. In September I got an email from the owner with a back to school special, so I bought another 6 weeks. During that time I discovered my employer is a preferred member of FBBC, which means we get a significant discount! I knew I had to do it. Rebecca, the owner, is so great. She's totally there for her clients. It's not like going to a gym, working out and being done. It's like a family. Rebecca has helped me identify some issues, she's very intuitive, like that child in me that didn't like being skinny, and she doesn't want to go back to being skinny again, so she sabotages everything I do to lose weight and I stay fat. Not that I way damaged by my childhood, or by anyone around me when I was skinny...It's just me, some weird little part of me that doesn't want to be skinny! (I know, right?!) So no, my goal is not to become skinny. It is to become healthy, fit, trim and lean. So I can wear a swimsuit and not feel like a beached whale. So I can look into the mirror and like what I see. So when my husband tells me I'm beautiful, I can actually believe him. So I never have to hear again, "when's your baby due?"!!! Tomorrow is day one. Week one is carb depletion, which I've done before, and it sucks, but I can do it. Blogging is going to be my accountability. When I want to eat, I shall blog. I am excited to see what the next 8 weeks look like for me. I'm excited to open this new chapter in my life!